Let’s dive in, shall we?

#1 Toward and Away Moves

Here’s a question most people never ask themselves…

Am I actually moving toward my life, or just running away from the bits I don’t want to deal with?

Russ Harris wrote about this in The Happiness Trap, and it’s one of the sharpest frameworks I’ve come across.

Every action you take falls into one of two categories…

Toward moves — things you do because they align with who you want to be. Could be uncomfortable. Probably will be uncomfortable. Doesn’t matter. You’re moving in the right direction.

Away moves — things you do to avoid feeling something you don’t want to feel. Dodging the awkward conversation. Cancelling plans because your anxiety’s whispering. Staying in a job you hate because the alternative is scary.

From the outside? They can look identical.

Skipping that party could be a good move; maybe you genuinely value a quiet night with your family. Or it could be an away move, small talk makes you want to crawl out of your skin, so you bottled it.

Same action. Completely different driver.

The goal isn’t to beat yourself up.

It’s to be honest.

Because if you’re making away moves on autopilot, day after day… you’re not building a life. You’re just managing avoidance.

So next time you make a decision, stop for two seconds and ask…

Is this toward or away?

That one question is worth more than most therapy sessions!

#2 A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats

Your personal development isn’t just about you.

I know that sounds like fortune-cookie bollocks, but hear me out.

When you get your act together, when you sort your health, sharpen your mindset, show up better for the people around you, it doesn’t just benefit you…

It radiates outward.

Your kids see it. Your partner feels it. Your mates notice it. The whole bloody environment around you shifts!

That’s the rising tide. And it lifts everyone’s boats.

But here’s the side nobody talks about…

A falling tide strands all boats too.

When you’re checked out, running on empty, treating your body like a rental car and your relationships like an afterthought… that falls on everyone around you, too. It’s not just your problem. It becomes theirs.

I’m not saying that to guilt-trip you.

I’m saying it because most men need a bigger reason than themselves to make changes stick. “Getting abs” isn’t enough. But knowing that getting your act together directly improves the lives of the people you love? That’s fuel that doesn’t run out.

So stop thinking of self-improvement as selfish.

It’s one of the most generous things you can do.

Make some waves!

#3 A Rested Muscle Doesn’t Get Stronger

This is the one nobody wants to hear.

So I’ll be direct…

Growth doesn’t happen in comfort. It happens because of discomfort.

In the gym, this is just basic science. When you lift heavy, you create tiny tears in your muscle fibres. Your body repairs them stronger than before. That’s how adaptation works. That’s how progress is made.

Sit on your arse and nothing tears. Nothing repairs. Nothing grows.

Now apply that same logic to every other area of your life.

The difficult conversation you keep postponing. The business idea you keep “almost” starting. The habit you keep saying you’ll build “when the time is right.”

That’s your comfort zone doing what comfort zones do, keeping you exactly where you are.

Rest has its place. Recovery matters. I’m not telling you to run yourself into the ground. But if avoiding discomfort is your default setting, you’re not recovering. You’re stagnating.

The job application that scares you? That’s a dumbbell.

The hard conversation? That’s a dumbbell.

The thing you’ve been putting off for six months because you’re “not quite ready”?

You’re never going to be ready. Pick up the bloody dumbbell.

Growth lives on the other side of uncomfortable. Always has. Always will.

#4 Your Bad Day Track Record Is 100%

Steve Harvey said something that’s stuck with me:

“Always remind yourself that your track record for making it through bad days is 100%.”

Read that again.

Every single bad day you’ve ever had, every moment where everything went sideways, where you felt like you couldn’t function, where the universe seemed personally invested in ruining your life, you came through it.

That’s not a small thing. That’s a perfect record.

When you’re in the middle of a rough patch, your brain will try to convince you that this time is different. This time it’s worse. This time, you might not make it through.

Bollocks.

You’ve got the evidence. Every hard thing you’ve faced, you’ve survived. Most of them, you’ve learned something from. A few of them, you’ve come out stronger on the other side.

So when it gets dark

(and it will, because that’s just life)

Don’t bury your head. Don’t pretend everything’s fine. But do remind yourself of your track record.

You’re not fragile.

You’re field-tested.

This week’s four, stripped back:

1. Every decision is either moving toward your values or away from discomfort. Know which one you’re making.

2. Your personal growth is a rising tide. The people around you either rise with you or get stranded. Choose wisely.

3. Discomfort isn’t the enemy. It’s the mechanism. Stop avoiding it.

4. You have a 100% success rate on bad days. Act like it.

Hope you enjoyed this week’s Knowledge Bombs. See you next week.

Jay

from “forest bathing” to getting your daily dose of happy chemicals.

No expensive courses.

No complicated techniques.

Just practical shit that works!

Let’s go...

#1 - Shinrin-Yoku

“What in the world is Shinrin-Yoku?” I hear you ask.

Well, it’s not some obscure sushi dish, nor is it a new form of yoga.

In fact, it’s as old as the trees themselves and far simpler than you might think.

Directly translated from Japanese, Shinrin-Yoku means “forest bathing,” and it’s all about soaking up the natural environment through your senses.

As you take a deep breath, you inhale the fresh, cool air, perfumed by pine needles and damp earth.

Your ears pick up on the wind rustling through the leaves, the soft cooing of a distant bird, the rustle of a small creature in the undergrowth.

The world outside the forest seems a distant memory.

And suddenly, those things you were so worried about?

They just don’t seem to matter as much.

The art of Shinrin-Yoku lies in the ability to fully engage with the present moment.

It’s about unplugging from the incessant buzz of the digital world and the constant chatter of our own minds.

Shinrin-Yoku isn’t going to solve all your problems.

But it can provide a much-needed pause, a chance to reflect and reset.

And in this frantic, chaotic world of ours, maybe that’s just what we all need!

#2 - Come to the Edge

I read a poem this week which I want to speak about:

Come to the edge, We might fall, Come to the edge, It’s too high!, COME TO THE EDGE!, And they came, and he pushed, And they flew. - Christopher Logue

Christopher Logue’s poem is not about standing on some literal cliff…

It’s about the metaphorical edges in our lives, the ones we come up against when we have the opportunity to grow, to change, to evolve into something more.

Those moments where we’re standing on the precipice of a decision or a change.

Should we take that new job?

Should we end that relationship?

Should we move to a new city?

“We might fall.”

That’s the voice of fear, right there!

It’s the nagging doubt that makes us second-guess ourselves.

It’s that little prickling sensation in the pit of our stomach that makes us step back from the edge and retreat into the safe, comfortable cocoon of familiarity.

“It’s too high!”

That’s fear in full force, holding us back, whispering in our ear that it’s better to play it safe than risk failing or getting hurt.

But then the poem takes a turn.

“COME TO THE EDGE!”

This line is the voice of courage, of audacity, of defiance.

It’s the voice that drowns out fear and compels us to take that leap, to embrace the unknown, to take that risk.

And guess what happens?

They come, they get pushed, and “they flew.”

They didn’t fall.

They didn’t crash.

They flew.

Here’s the thing…

We don’t know if we can fly until we take that leap.

The fear will always be there, whispering that we might fall, that it’s too high, that it’s safer to stay where we are.

But staying where we are means stagnation.

It means not growing or living our lives fully.

Stop playing it safe.

Come to the edge.

#3 - Glimmers

Something that I talk about a lot is “Triggers.”

These are the day-to-day things that cause you to get angry and respond.

Today, I want to talk a little bit about the opposite of triggers, and that’s “Glimmers.”

Put simply, glimmers are those tiny sparks of positivity, the fleeting moments of joy, comfort, and connection that light up our lives like tiny stars in the night sky.

These can be anything from the warmth of a friend’s smile to the euphoria of nailing that tough workout, from the soothing calm of a deep breath to the satisfaction of sinking into your bed after a long day.

Life, for the most part, can be a grind.

We’re constantly dealing with shitstorms of stress, worry, disappointment, and every other negative emotion under the sun.

But amidst the chaos, amidst the turmoil, there are these moments, these glimmers, that shine brightly, if only for a split second.

The trick here isn’t to chase these glimmers or try to manufacture them.

Because, let’s be honest, we can’t force a genuine moment of joy or connection any more than we can force a puppy to stay still.

The trick is to be present, to be in tune with ourselves and our surroundings, so we can recognise and appreciate these glimmers when they do appear.

#4 - Your Daily D.O.S.E

Many years ago, I read an incredible book by Simon Sinek titled “Leaders Eat Last.”

In this book, one of the chapters was “A D.O.S.E of Happiness,” with DOSE standing for:

Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins.

What’s incredible about these four happy chemicals is that we can get all of them by doing things for free.

So let’s dive into each one, explain them a little better, and see what you can do with each of them.

Dopamine - The Motivation and Reward Chemical

There are a few things that we can do daily for a positive dopamine hit that don’t involve our mobile phones:

Meditation and Mindfulness: Regular practice can increase dopamine levels. This practice reduces stress and promotes a positive outlook.

Listening to Music: Studies have shown that listening to music you enjoy can increase dopamine release.

Eat Protein: Proteins are full of amino acids, including tyrosine. Tyrosine is used by the body to produce dopamine.

Oxytocin - The Love and Connection Chemical

Oxytocin is often referred to as the “bonding hormone” or “love hormone” because it plays a crucial role in forming social bonds and maintaining relationships. Here are some habits and activities that can stimulate the release of oxytocin:

Physical Affection: Hugging, cuddling, and other forms of touch can stimulate oxytocin release. This is one reason why physical affection can make us feel closer and more connected to people.

Helping Others: Acts of kindness and generosity towards others can promote the release of oxytocin. This can include volunteering or doing something nice for a friend or loved one.

Petting Animals: Spending time with animals, especially pets, has been shown to increase oxytocin levels.

Serotonin - The Mood Enhancer Chemical

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that plays a significant role in mood regulation, sleep, appetite, and overall feelings of well-being and happiness. Here are some habits and activities that can help to increase serotonin levels naturally:

Sunlight: Exposure to sunlight can increase the brain’s production of serotonin, boosting your mood and helping to keep your circadian rhythms in balance.

Socialising: Spending time with people you care about can boost your mood and increase your serotonin levels. This can be family, friends, or anyone else you enjoy being around.

Massage: Studies show that massage can increase serotonin levels by nearly 30%. This can lead to improved mood and reduced stress and anxiety.

Endorphins - The Reduction of Pain and Stress Chemical

Endorphins are often referred to as the body’s “feel-good” chemicals. They are neurotransmitters that help relieve pain and reduce emotional stress. Here are some positive habits that can naturally stimulate the release of endorphins:

Exercise: Regular physical activity is one of the most effective ways to increase endorphin release. This is often referred to as the “runner’s high,” but it doesn’t just apply to running - any form of vigorous exercise can do it.

Laughter: Laughing has been shown to increase endorphin levels. Find something that makes you laugh, whether it’s a comedy show, a funny movie, or time spent with friends who make you giggle.

Deep Breathing and Relaxation Techniques: These activities can help reduce stress and stimulate endorphin release.

As you can see from the above, you can pretty much stimulate most of your happiness chemicals without it costing anything!

Transforming your mind doesn’t require expensive courses or complicated techniques.

It requires simple, practical actions you can do every single day.

Stop doing this:

• Scrolling through your phone instead of walking in nature

• Playing it safe and avoiding the edge

• Only focusing on what triggers you negatively

• Relying on your phone for dopamine hits

Start doing this:

• Get outside and practice Shinrin-Yoku

• Come to the edge - take risks and embrace the unknown

• Notice the glimmers - the tiny moments of joy throughout your day

• Get your daily DOSE naturally - meditate, hug people, get sunlight, exercise, laugh

The best things in life are free.

Laugh often, spend time with the people that you love, and get a good sweat on regularly.

These are the things that will give you a happy life.

Now stop reading and go do one of them.

Jay Alderton

Let’s go..

#1 - You Don’t Have to Get It Right, You Just Have to Get It Going

I finally dusted off my YouTube channel this year and filmed a bunch of new videos because of a quote I heard…

“You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going.” - Mike Litman

The reasons for not getting started with YouTube?

I was waiting for the perfect time to script the perfect video and find the perfect thumbnail before starting on my channel.

I was so focused on trying to get it right the first time that I didn’t start at all.

What this quote has helped me realise is that you don’t need to have all the answers now.

You just need to get it going.

Here’s what this looks like in practice…

• If you want to exercise but you don’t know what you’re doing in the gym, don’t wait to read the book or for a coach to give you a programme. Just get to the gym and move some iron around.

• If you’re sick and tired of your job so you’re on the lookout for the perfect replacement, don’t wait for it to fall on your lap. Just start looking and applying for new ones. It doesn’t have to be the “perfect replacement.” The goal is to get out of the miserable job you’re currently doing.

“You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.” - Ray Bradbury

Stop waiting for perfect.

Start doing imperfect.

#2 - Fair Weather Friends vs Foul Weather Friends

Let’s dive into friendship - that quirky, erratic yet endearing aspect of life.

We’re dealing with two categories here:..

Fair weather friends and foul weather friends.

Fair Weather Friends

They’re like the perfect summer day.

They come alive when everything’s dandy and bright in your world. They’re there for the laughs, the parties, the thrills.

But when the storm hits, they’re more elusive than a snowflake in the Sahara.

Foul Weather Friends

These warriors stand with you through the thunder and downpour.

They’re not put off by a bit of rain or wind. In the face of trouble, they’ll brave the tempest and offer you their steadfast companionship.

Remember, both types have their value.

Fair-weather friends bring moments of joy, while foul-weather friends offer a hand when you stumble.

But when the clouds roll in, it’s the foul-weather friends who’ll share your umbrella.

Aim to be that kind of friend: there for the sunny days, but also ready to face the storm.

In friendship, consistency beats fair weather every time.

#3 - The Power of Reframing

Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs that make you feel like a cartoon character getting repeatedly hit in the head.

So, what’s the secret to not ending up like Wile E. Coyote post-anvil-dropping?

One word: Reframing.

Reframing is the power to take any situation - no matter how dire - and twist it, turn it, flip it upside down to view it in a new light.

Let’s say your boss gave you more work than you can handle.

Instead of seeing it as a one-way ticket to Stressville, reframe it.

See it as a trust exercise, a chance to improve your time-management skills, or better yet, an opportunity to strut your stuff and shine.

Sounds too simple? Yeah, it does. But that’s the beauty of it.

Reframing isn’t about denying reality; it’s about choosing which aspect of reality you decide to focus on.

It’s choosing to see the opportunity in the obstacle, the lesson in the failure, the potential in the problem.

The trick to reframing, though, is honesty.

You can’t just slap a happy sticker on a crappy situation and call it a day.

You have to dig deep, get real, and find a perspective that’s true to you, one that empowers and motivates you.

So, next time life gives you a sour lemon, don’t just make lemonade. Reframe it. See it as life’s quirky way of supplying you with free citrus.

Remember: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it!

#4 - The 5 Whys

Ask enough whys and you’ll get down to the root cause of your problem.

I had a person come to me not long ago and say that they were struggling to lose weight, and no matter what diet they tried to stick to, they just couldn’t drop the weight.

I asked them why.

They said it was because they have been so busy and all their routines have been out of whack.

I asked them why.

They said it’s because they’ve just moved house and were juggling a brand new job.

I asked them why.

They said it’s because they were unhappy where they were previously, which is why they moved home and career.

I asked them why.

They said they had been constantly arguing with their partner and decided to separate, go their own ways, and start again from scratch.

I asked them why.

They said because they had fallen out of love and were both very different people from when they first met. They wanted different things now and never saw eye to eye.

At first, this question seemed like nothing more than a person struggling to keep consistent with their diet.

But the deeper we go and unpack it, the more we realise there are so many deeper things we need to address before looking at their diet.

If there’s something you’re struggling with right now, I want you to do this exercise for yourself.

Ask yourself enough whys, and you’ll eventually get yourself to the real reasons you’re not where you want to be.

Stop treating symptoms.

Start finding root causes.

These mindset tricks aren’t complicated.

They’re just practical tools most people ignore.

Stop doing this:

• Waiting for the perfect moment to get things going

• Surrounding yourself with fair-weather friends who disappear when things get hard

• Looking at setbacks as failures instead of opportunities

• Treating symptoms instead of finding root causes

Start doing this:

• Get it going, even if it’s not perfect - you’ll figure it out along the way

• Find your foul-weather friends - the people who’ll be there no matter the weather

• Reframe everything that happens to you as an opportunity to improve

• Ask “why” five times to get to the root cause of what’s holding you back

You don’t learn anything from a perfect week.

You learn from getting started, choosing the right people, reframing problems, and digging deep to find real answers.

Jay Alderton

Let’s go...

#1 - Oil on the Canvas

“You don’t have to paint a masterpiece each day, you just have to put some oil on the canvas.” - Brendan Burchard

Procrastination is one of the biggest killers of progress, and one of the main reasons is trying to get everything done in a day.

The key to success is “chunking things down”

and committing to doing it every single day.

Here’s what this looks like in practice:

• Don’t try to get 30 books read in a year. Commit to one chapter a day, and you’ll hit that 30-book goal by November.

• Don’t try to lose weight. Think of ways you can get an extra 2,000 steps a day and make a commitment to that. If nothing else changed, you would have accumulated 730,000 extra steps in a year, equivalent to 21,900 calories, which is 6.2lbs of body weight.

If you commit to putting a little oil on the canvas each day, you’ll have a masterpiece pretty soon.

Stop trying to do everything today.

Start doing something small every single day.

#2 - Help, Heard, Hugged?

Earlier this year, I interviewed with New York Times Best Selling Author Sahil Bloom, and he had an incredible process that he uses when friends come to him with a problem:

“Do you want help? To be heard? Or to be hugged?”

Help

Sometimes people will come to you with a problem they are looking to solve.

Don’t forget to ask them if they would like help fixing the problem, because they might want to be heard.

Heard

Sometimes people just want to be heard.

They want someone they can rely on to clear the air and listen to their fears and frustrations without judgment.

Hugged

Sometimes people don’t want help or to be heard.

They’re going through something really shitty at the moment, and all they need is a good old hug.

You’ll be amazed at how much this helps when others are feeling like this.

This is such an effective process to use with those close to you.

Find your “hearers,” “helpers,” and “huggers,” and don’t forget to ask for them yourself from time to time.

Stop assuming you know what people need.

Start asking them.

#3 - Looking Through Prison Bars

I heard a quote years back that stuck with me:

“Two men looked through prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars.”

Embrace the power of perspective, for it holds the key to unlocking your potential.

By shifting your mindset and discovering new viewpoints, you can transform challenges into opportunities and setbacks into lessons.

By changing your perception of what happens to you, you’ll empower yourself to navigate life with resilience and optimism.

Remember: It’s not the world that defines you, but rather the lens through which you choose to view it.

You can’t control what happens to you in life, but you can control how you look at the situation.

It’s only in darkness that you can see the stars.

#4 - Accepting Angry Gifts

In a small town, a man was giving a speech when a young man began shouting insults.

Instead of getting angry, he asked the young man:

“If you buy a gift for someone and they don’t accept it, who does it belong to?”

The young man replied that it would still belong to him.

The man explained that the same applies to anger.

If someone is angry and the other person doesn’t accept the hostility, the anger remains with the angry person, hurting only themself.

Lesson: Don’t surrender to anger or let others take your personal power.

Reflect their actions and protect your higher self, as the only person affected by negativity is the one projecting it.

When someone tries to give you the gift of their anger, don’t accept it.

Let them keep it.

These aren’t complicated concepts…

They’re simple truths that most people ignore.

Stop doing this:

• Trying to do everything at once and getting overwhelmed

• Assuming you know what people need without asking

• Letting circumstances control your perspective

• Accepting other people’s anger as if it’s yours to carry

Start doing this:

• Put oil on the canvas every day - small, consistent actions win

• Ask people: “Do you want help, to be heard, or to be hugged?”

• Choose to see stars instead of mud, even when things are dark

• Refuse to accept the gift of someone else’s anger

Progress isn’t about painting masterpieces every day.

It’s about showing up consistently and putting in the work!

Jay Alderton

No fluff.

Just practical mental tools you can use starting today.

Let’s go...

#1 - Expose Yourself

Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl was a Holocaust survivor who wrote the influential book “Man’s Search for Meaning.”

In this book, he details his experiences in Nazi concentration camps and his discovery of the importance of finding meaning and purpose in life, even in the most challenging circumstances.

One of the techniques he uses is called “Paradoxical Intention.”

Paradoxical intention is like a mind trick we use to help ourselves feel better when we’re anxious or worried about something.

It’s when we try to do the thing we fear on purpose, so we no longer fear it anymore.

Here’s a couple of examples…

Public Speaking

Imagine you’re worried about speaking in front of people because you think you’ll stutter or forget what to say.

With paradoxical intention, you might purposely try to stutter or forget your lines.

This helps you feel more in control, and you might find that you don’t stutter or forget as much as you thought you would.

Social Anxiety

Suppose you’re nervous about going to a party because you think you’ll be too shy to talk to anyone.

Instead of avoiding the party, you challenge yourself to be the quietest person there and try not to say a word.

This way, you’re in control of your shyness, and you might even feel more confident to start talking to others when you’re ready.

Here’s the thing…

When it comes to anxieties and fears, constantly avoiding the things that trigger them makes it our default response next time they appear.

To overcome these feelings, we need to expose ourselves to them and actually go as far as feeling them as much as possible.

It’s only then that we realise it’s not as bad as we think in these situations and can finally start to overcome them.

Stop avoiding what scares you.

Start deliberately exposing yourself to it.

#2 - Boiling a Frog

The “boiling a live frog” analogy is often used to describe a situation in which a gradual, unnoticed change occurs until it results in a significant, potentially harmful outcome.

The story behind the analogy is that if a frog is placed in a pot of boiling water, it will immediately jump out due to the sudden and extreme temperature change.

However, if the frog is placed in a pot of cool water that is slowly heated to boiling, it won’t perceive the gradual increase in temperature.

It will eventually be cooked without realising the danger.

An analogy that I like to use is this…

If you walked into a room that stank of shit and stayed there, you’d get used to the smell.

It’s only when you leave the room and come back in that you realise how bad it smells.

Throughout our lives, we experience a lot of unnecessary suffering because we get used to the shitty environments we have put ourselves in.

This is why constant self-reflection and assessment of the people around you and the places you are in is so critical.

It’s not easy to change your friend circles, your job or career, or the place where you live, but the pain of change is much less painful than the pain of remaining the same.

Don’t get comfortable in an uncomfortable environment.

The longer you spend there, the harder it is to leave.

#3 - If We Were Wise

I owe much of my thinking process, especially when it comes to relationships, to Alain de Botton.

His company, The School of Life, offers a range of incredible books and gifts to support personal development.

On their Instagram page, they shared an incredible quote titled “If we were wise,”

which I just had to share with you here…

“If we were wise, we would stay very pessimistic about how things turn out.

We would remind ourselves on an hourly basis that all relationships are riven with pain, all business ventures are maddening, and all families are demented.

We would accept that we aren’t being persecuted.

This is how things universally are

(it’s just that other people carefully omit to speak frankly about its existence).

We would get less hopeful and - therefore - less bitter and less furious.

Of course things are slightly disastrous.

Of course we have made some terrible mistakes.

Of course we have been betrayed and treated badly.

It’s all eminently and supremely normal.

We would cease lamenting our wrong turns.

We probably married the wrong person; we almost certainly chose the wrong career. Probably we’re living in the wrong country

(and definitely the wrong house).

We invested in useless things.

We befriended unworthy sorts.

We made awful errors bringing up our children.

We’ve neglected our health.

We’d be starting to get it right if we lived to 1,000 or could do half a dozen practice runs.

Wisdom starts with a dark belly laugh - and a full acknowledgement that we are idiots now, we were idiots then, and we will be idiots tomorrow.

There are simply no other options for a human being, and that’s more than OK.”

The antidote to perfectionism is to realise how imperfect we really are.

Stop expecting life to be perfect.

It never will be, and that’s fine.

#4 - Negative Visualisation

One of the most powerful practices you can do is gratitude.

However...

A lot of people struggle to do it, and when they do, they don’t really get the benefit.

Enter something called “Negative Visualisation.”

Negative visualisation is a Stoic technique that involves imagining the loss of things we cherish to appreciate them better.

Here’s how it works:

I want you to imagine something you hold dear.

It could be a loved one or a person close to you.

Now I want you to imagine getting a phone call from the police to say they were involved in a nasty accident and they are no longer with us.

(Sombre, I know, but go with me on this...)

The point in the practice is to think deeply about this becoming a reality, but don’t dwell on it.

Open your eyes, get back to reality, and realise that you should be grateful to have them in your life and to give them a call or go and see them.

I do this practice a lot when I see my Dad’s van drive past my house.

I remind myself that one day, he will be gone, and how excited I would be to see his van drive past my house just one more time.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Visualise often a life without the things you love, and you’ll appreciate having them more.

These aren’t just philosophical concepts…

They’re practical tools you can use every single day.

Stop doing this:

• Avoiding what scares you and making the fear worse

• Getting comfortable in shitty environments that slowly destroy you

• Expecting perfection from life, relationships, and yourself

• Taking the people and things you love for granted

Start doing this:

• Expose yourself to your fears on purpose through paradoxical intention

• Constantly assess your environment and leave before you get too comfortable

• Accept that life is imperfect and that’s completely normal

• Visualise losing what you love to appreciate it more fully

Viktor Frankl survived Nazi concentration camps and still found meaning in life.

The Stoics practised negative visualisation thousands of years ago.

These techniques have stood the test of time because of one thing…

They Work!

Jay Alderton

Let’s go...

#1 - Be Indifferent to Where You Live

Miyamoto Musashi was Japan’s greatest Samurai, who roamed the world between 1584 and 1645.

Before he departed from this world, he wrote a series of famous texts called the Dokkōdō. (way of walking alone).

There are many golden quotes from this text, but I want to highlight one…

“Be indifferent to where you live.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but whenever I go somewhere new that I really like, I imagine a world in which I’m there every single day.

Every year, I take the family down to North Devon, and whenever I’m there, I feel relaxed and calm.

Most of my holidays are on Greek islands.

I feel so calm and peaceful whenever I’m in Greece.

The reality?

These places are special because I only visit them once a year.

If I moved to North Devon, I would take all my life problems with me, and eventually, I would have to deal with them after the honeymoon period was over.

Same with Greece. It’s nice to visit in the height of summer, but it would be a burden with my work schedule.

We imagine ourselves in distant places simply because we are not there.

As Naval Ravikant once said:

“Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.”

You see, the quote isn’t about “where you live.”

It’s about your way of thinking and desire for a better outcome in life.

When you reach a destination you hope to get to, such as weight loss or even happiness.

None of these is a destination.

They are a journey, one you’ll be taking for the rest of your life, so make sure you’re enjoying it.

Stop waiting to be happy when you get “there.”

Be happy now.

#2 - Ten Years to Mastery

In his book “Outliers: The Story of Success,” Malcolm Gladwell introduces the concept of the “10,000-hour rule”, which states that to achieve true expertise in any skill is simply a matter of practising “in the correct way” for at least 10,000 hours.

If we break that 10,000 hours down over 10 years, that works out to 1,000 hours a year or around 19.3 hours a week.

To make that commitment daily, it takes about 3 hours.

If you’re trying to learn a new skill and keep getting frustrated, ask yourself this…

How much time have you put into it so far?

I’m going to give you an example of something that I think I’ve mastered over the last 10 years and one I aim to master in the next 10...

Thing I’ve Mastered Over the Last 10 Years - Social Media and Talking on Camera

I started my Facebook page in 2011 and have been doing social media and talking on camera for the past 15 years.

My Instagram page alone has over 8,646 posts, which, if you consider each post from creation to editing to posting takes around 30 minutes, equates to 4,323 hours just on Instagram.**

Looking at my Vimeo account (where I host all my client content), I have added 2,323 videos over the past 10 years.

Most of these videos average around 30 minutes and probably took an hour to create, so just with client content, there are over 2,000 hours of practice.

There’s no doubt I’ve hit over 10,000 hours in these skills over the last ten years.

Thing I’m Looking to Master in the Next 10 Years - Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Something that I’ve recently started is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

I’ve been spending about three hours a week on it for 2 years, and I've realised that if I want to master this skill, I need to invest more time.

Getting 10,000 hours in at 3 hours a week will take me 65 years to master the skill.

It’s a realisation for me of two things:

1. I should have started 10 years ago (ha ha)

2. I need to invest more time if I want to master it over the next 10 years

Because of this, I need to think about how I can approach the next 10 years to become a master at this skill:

1. Swap some of my gym sessions for Jiu-Jitsu sessions (Currently training in the gym 6-8 hours a week)

2. Find ways to practice outside of the classes (My friend is a blue belt in Jiu-Jitsu and is happy to “roll” on the weekends)

3. Pay for 1-1 lessons with my Black Belt Professor (These hour-long sessions will definitely speed up my learning curve)

One of the biggest reasons I’m showing you all this is so you can develop some patience and persistence with what you’re looking to achieve.

If you’re 6 months into your journey of mastery and feel like giving up... DON’T.

“The path of the warrior is lifelong, and mastery is often simply staying on the path.” - Richard Strozzi-Heckler.

Stop expecting results in 6 months when mastery takes 10 years.

#3 - Playing Chess with Pigeons

This week, I was reminded of an important analogy to help you become more productive in life.

“Never play chess with a pigeon.

The pigeon just knocks all the pieces over.

Shits all over the board.

Then struts around like it won.”

We’ve all, at one time in our lives, had that long-winded argument in the comments section with a complete stranger.

We try to get our point across about a subject we know a lot about, only for it to fall on deaf ears with no one any the wiser 30 minutes later.

Whenever I feel myself getting into this conversation, be it in person or online, I’m reminded of an excellent quote from Keanu Reeves..

“I’m at a stage in my life where I keep myself out of arguments, even if you tell me 1+1=5, you’re absolutely correct, enjoy!”

As I’m getting older, I’m realising the value of not needing to be right all the time, and I appreciate it when someone disagrees with what I say.

This simple action has saved me many hours a week, which I have put to better use, such as spending time with the people I care about and writing this blog post.

Life is too short to argue with strangers on the internet.

Let them think they’ve won and move on!

#4 - The Spotlight Effect

In 2000, researchers at Cornell University conducted a study on what they called “the spotlight effect.”

They found that people tend to overestimate how much others notice their actions and appearance.

In other words, we often think that we are being watched or judged more closely than we really are.

The researchers asked participants to wear a t-shirt with a large image of a celebrity on it and then estimate how many people in the room noticed the shirt.

The participants consistently overestimated the number of people who noticed the shirt.

Most days, people walk around worried about what other people are thinking about them.

If you’re spending all this time wondering what people are thinking about you, please understand that nearly everyone you meet is doing the same.

Which means everyone you meet is thinking about themselves, not you.

Just knowing this should help you perform better in social situations and let you do the things you want in life without fear of judgment.

To quote David Foster Wallace:

“You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realise how seldom they do.”

Ancient Samurai wisdom isn’t just philosophical fluff.

It’s practical advice you can use every single day.

Stop doing this:

• Chasing fantasy destinations, thinking you’ll be happy when you get “there”

• Expecting mastery in 6 months when it takes 10 years

• Arguing with strangers on the internet who aren’t listening anyway

• Worrying about what everyone thinks about you when they’re too busy thinking about themselves

Start doing this:

• Be happy now, not when you reach some imaginary destination

• Map out a 10-year plan for any skill you want to master, and be patient

• Let idiots think they’ve won and get back to productive work

• Realise nobody’s watching you as closely as you think they are

These four lessons have been around for centuries.

They still work today!

Jay Alderton

Not your body…

Your Brain.

Because here’s the thing…

Most people spend more time worrying about their biceps than their mental strength, and then wonder why they crumble when life gets hard.

Let’s fix that...

#1 - You Don’t Need to “Go All the Way” to Be Happy and Successful

I recently read a poem by the late Charles Bukowski, and this is the first sentence:

“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind.”

This is the exact mentality I had 9 years ago, back in 2016.

I was “going all the way,” and by the end of the year, I almost lost my wife and mind.

This way of thinking is cute in your 20s…

But it’s a recipe for disaster in your 30s and 40s.

If you want to truly be successful, you need to define what success and happiness mean to you. Then commit to doing those things.

Things That Make Me Happy and Successful

• My Family

• My Content and Social Media

• Having a Profitable Business

• My Health and Fitness

• My Freedom

My Commitments to These Things

• Spend quality time with my family (weekends, evenings, holidays)

• Show up every day and make people better with my content

• Create the best products and deliver them to my clients and customers

• 4 sessions a week minimum (choose from gym, running, jiu-jitsu)

• Measure and manage the above; it’s this that gives me freedom

Get a notepad and pen out, and do the same for your life.

Write down the things that are important to you and your commitments to make them a reality.

Stop trying to “go all the way” at everything and burning out.

Start being intentional about what actually matters.

#2 - Bodybuilding Your Brain

If you were to summarise how to “bodybuild,” it’s a pretty simple concept:

Place increasing amounts of resistance on your body parts and gradually increase it over time.

Spend just as much time on rest and recovery if you want to progress and stay injury-free.

The exact same concept can be applied to your brain, too.

• Place adequate amounts of resistance over time (Problem-solving, facing your fears, doing uncomfortable things)

• Increase that resistance over time (Bigger problems, finding more fears, increasing your levels of discomfort)

• Rest and recover (7+ hours of sleep, plenty of days off, and lots of holidays)

Always remember: Stress + Rest = Growth in everything you do.

Most people only do the stress part.

Then they wonder why they’re burnt out, anxious, and can’t think straight.

Your brain is a muscle.

Train it properly!

#3 - The Compounding Effect of Compliments

We live in a world where people are focused on themselves and what they can take from the world, not give to it.

The simple act of complimenting others is the ultimate “cheat code” not only to benefit your life but also the lives of those around you.

I want you to think about the last time you got a genuine compliment from a stranger and remember how it made you feel.

Pretty awesome, right?

Here’s the thing about complimenting others…

It also makes the person giving the compliment feel good, too.

Positive emotions experienced by others create a ripple effect, and that person is more likely to be kind and giving to others they meet.

Hence, the compounding effect of compliments.

Research at Case Western Reserve University has shown that engaging in random acts of kindness once a week can reliably increase your personal well-being, and that spending money on someone else makes you happier for longer than spending money on yourself.

It doesn’t need to be a lot of money either.

Simply buying someone a coffee or paying for a stranger’s parking can be the ultimate mood booster.

Stop being so focused on yourself.

Start complimenting others and watch the ripple effect.

#4 - Do Something New for 30 Days

Ever feel like your life is on autopilot?

Doing the same things day in, day out, every single day?

Routine is important, but too much routine and certainty in your life can lead to unhappiness and boredom.

The solution?

Commit to a little “novelty” challenge of doing something new every day for 30 days and notice the difference it makes to your health and happiness.

Psychology Today says that:

“A sense of novelty activates the dopamine system directly. As a result, it enhances mood, a positive outlook, motivation, and goal-setting. A positive sense of novelty has also been shown to increase creativity in dealing with stress, lower perceived stress and anxiety, and lessen depression.”

Below I’ve listed a few things you can do each day in your novelty challenge…

Change Your Workout

Do something completely different with your exercise regime

(CrossFit, yoga, Zumba, jiu-jitsu, swimming, skipping) and commit to it for 30 days straight.

This might make you realise how stuck in your ways you are with your exercise routine and may unlock some surprising insights into how it makes you feel.

Talk to a Stranger

Every day for 30 days straight, you’re going to spark a conversation with a complete stranger.

This challenge, if you’re up for doing it, could totally change the game in your confidence and communication.

Learn a New Trick or Skill

Every day for 30 days, you’re going to master a new skill.

It could be juggling, solving the Rubik’s cube, shuffling cards, or mastering how to make your favourite cocktail.

Most of these, if you spend 15 minutes a day for 30 days straight, you’ll be able to master them in that time and show them off as your new party trick to others.

Your brain is a muscle.

If you’re not training it, you’re losing it!

Stop doing this:

• Trying to “go all the way” at everything and burning out

• Only stressing your brain without rest and recovery

• Being focused on yourself instead of giving to others

• Living on autopilot with the same routine every single day

Start doing this:

• Define what success and happiness mean to YOU and commit to those things

• Train your brain with increasing resistance, then rest and recover

• Compliment others and engage in random acts of kindness weekly

• Do something new every day for 30 days to boost mood and creativity

You wouldn’t skip leg day at the gym.

Stop skipping brain day in your life.

Jay Alderton

If properly understood and worked on, it will have a significant impact on your life.

Here’s the problem…

It’s said that only around 15% of the world is actually self-aware.

That means 85% of people are walking around thinking they’ve got themselves figured out when they absolutely don’t.

Today, I’m going to break down the four levels of self-awareness and show you exactly where you sit.

Let’s go...

What Does “Self-Awareness” Actually Mean?

Self-awareness is defined as the ability to recognise and understand your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, as well as their impact on yourself and others.

This is broken down into two main categories:

Internal Self-Awareness - How we view and interpret our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.

External Self-Awareness - How we view and interpret others’ thoughts, feelings, and behaviours (and how they see us).

Here’s what’s interesting…

Just because you have high internal self-awareness does not mean that you have high external awareness, and vice versa.

So, how do we find out which one we’re more competent in, which one we’re lacking, and where we need improvement?

Harvard Business Review’s research identified 4 Self-Awareness Archetypes based on these two factors.

#1 - Introspectors (High Internal, Low External)

Introspectors are those with high internal self-awareness but low external self-awareness.

One great thing about Introspectors is that they spend a lot of time writing down their thoughts and feelings and being aware of their behaviours and actions.

But here’s the problem…

Although introspection is a great practice, many people don’t do it very well.

They come up with their own reasons for why they behave or act in a certain way, then make assumptions based on those reasons to gain clarity and confidence.

Although this clarity and confidence are nice, if the reasons behind our behaviours and actions are wrong, it’s almost certain we’ll behave and act that way again.

This is why feedback from others is so important.

One of my favourite quotes is…

“It’s hard to see the label when you’re stuck inside the jar.”

When you ask others for feedback on your behaviours and actions, it can be painful to hear, especially if they highlight areas you're weak in, such as listening to others and patience.

However, the great thing about understanding your weaknesses and getting feedback from others is that you become more self-aware of your flaws and can now make the effort to improve them.

If you’re an Introspector…

Stop assuming you know why you do what you do.

Ask others for feedback and actually listen to it, even when it stings.

#2 - Seekers (Low Internal, Low External)

Seekers are those with low internal self-awareness and low external self-awareness.

A Seeker will either be very young and not yet know what to do with their life, or a little bit older and feeling a bit lost and directionless, not knowing what to do with their life.

If you’re a Seeker, it’s vital that you get a notepad and pen out and brain dump these three critical questions:

1. What do I enjoy doing with my week?

2. What am I good at?

3. Is there anyone out there currently getting paid to do what I enjoy and am good at?

These three questions will set you out on a journey of self-exploration to better understand what you want to do with your life.

The next thing you need to focus on is improving your external self-awareness by understanding how others see you.

For this exercise, reach out to at least three close friends and get them to answer the following three questions:

1. What would you say is my number one skill that makes me a good friend?

2. What are some of the things you think I’m naturally good at?

3. What are some things that you think I’m really bad at?

Number three is a hard pill to swallow, especially if three of your friends respond with the same things.

However, this is a step in the right direction for becoming more self-aware.

#3 - Pleasers (Low Internal, High External)

Pleasers are those with high external self-awareness but low internal self-awareness.

One of the most dangerous things about being a Pleaser is that it becomes very difficult to snap out of.

When you’re completely focused on how you look to others and put the needs of others before your own wants and needs, you get heavily rewarded for it.

Pleasers have lots of people tell them just how awesome and reliable they are when they need help.

Because of this, it’s almost impossible for that person to say no, and over time, this creates a massive hindrance to your own personal success and progress.

Here’s what happens…

You become so good at being what everyone else needs that you forget what YOU actually want.

To get out of the Pleaser archetype and start moving into the Aware archetype, the Pleaser needs to get better at saying no and taking more time to focus on what they truly want to do with their own lives.

Stop living for everyone else’s approval.

Start living for your own goals.

#4 - Aware (High Internal, High External)

Aware people are those with high internal self-awareness and high external self-awareness.

This, ideally, is what we all seek to accomplish, and although it's not easy, if you’re willing to do the work, I genuinely believe people can make the progression to this archetype.

Mastering Internal Self-Awareness

To master internal self-awareness, you will need to make a habit of daily journaling and reflection.

When you start to write things down, the important questions to ask yourself is not “why” but “what.”

“Why did this happen to me today?” - Usually, when we ask ourselves why questions, it can cause us to have irrational or negative thoughts that appeal to our fears and insecurities (e.g., this happened to me today because I’m stupid or because that person doesn’t like me).

“What can I do tomorrow to improve today?” - When people ask themselves what questions, they are more focused on solutions to problems, more focused on future actions, and creating a plan of action for improvement.

Interestingly, researchers from Harvard Business Review analysed hundreds of interview transcripts of self-aware people and found that the word “why” appeared fewer than 150 times, while the word “what” appeared more than 1,000 times.

Mastering External Self-Awareness

To master external self-awareness, you will also need to master your ego.

To become a master of external self-awareness, you must routinely seek honest feedback from others and ask yourself whether how you see yourself aligns with how others see you.

When getting feedback from others, it’s important to remember the “what not why” mentality, and that if someone gives you negative feedback on something you need to improve, focus less on asking the question to yourself “why do they think that” and more on “what do I need to do to improve this area so they no longer think that.”

A “why” question will cause you to play on your own fears and insecurities, and also make you try to rationalise their feedback so you can ignore it.

A “what” question will enable you to take action on that feedback and make improvements in those areas in the future.

Self-awareness isn’t something you either have or don’t have.

It’s a skill you develop through consistent practice.

To Recap…

• Introspectors: You’re great at looking inward but terrible at seeing how others perceive you. Get feedback and actually listen to it.

• Seekers: You’re lost on both fronts. Start asking yourself what you enjoy and what you’re good at, then ask others what they see in you.

• Pleasers: You’re so focused on what everyone else thinks that you’ve forgotten what you want. Learn to say no and focus on your own goals.

• Aware: You’ve mastered both internal and external self-awareness. You journal, you reflect, you seek feedback, and you use “what” questions instead of “why” questions.

Stop doing this:

• Assuming you know why you do what you do without asking others

• Wandering through life without direction or feedback

• Living for everyone else’s approval at the expense of your own goals

• Asking “why” questions that feed your fears and insecurities

Start doing this:

• Journal daily and ask yourself “what” questions

• Seek honest feedback from people who know you well

• Say no to others so you can say yes to yourself

• Match your internal reflection with external feedback

Only 15% of people are truly self-aware.

The question is…

Are you in that 15%, or are you fooling yourself?

Jay Alderton

What are mental models, you ask?

A mental model is a framework or way of thinking that helps you understand and interact with the world around you.

It’s a simplified representation of reality that you can use to make decisions, solve problems, or explain complex phenomena.

Mental models can be based on personal experiences, cultural norms, education, or other factors, and can vary widely between individuals.

I use mental models every single day to figure things out in the world, and today I want to give you five of my favourites to use yourself.

Let’s get into it...

#1 - The Map Is Not The Territory

The map is not the territory explains that our own perceptions and interpretations of the world around us are not necessarily the reality we think they are.

A great example of this is the world map.

Look at a typical textbook map, the one we see every day.

From the looks of this map, you could fit Australia into Russia at least 5-6 times.

Except you couldn’t, as this map isn’t a true representation of the world.

When you look at an accurate size comparison (check out thetruesize.com), Australia takes up most of Russia and could only fit twice into the country.

Now, some of you might have already known this, and some of you reading this might have just had your mind blown.

But this is an excellent example of “The Map is Not The Territory.”

The lesson to understand from this mental model is to be more mindful and aware of our own perceptions and interpretations of the world around us.

The Map is Not The Territory and Goal Setting

When you write down the goals you want to achieve, really think hard about why you want to achieve them.

You might be focused on a promotion at work and think your life will be better when you get it. The reality is usually a little bit more pay for a lot more problems, and the juice might not be worth the squeeze.

You might be focused on losing weight right now and think that when you hit your goal weight, you’ll be happy. But the reality is, if you’re not happy right now, you’re not going to be happy when you’ve lost 10lbs, because happiness is not a destination, especially if the destination was a miserable journey to get there.

So, how do we use this mental model to improve our lives?

By recognising that our mental maps are not always an accurate reflection of reality, we can approach situations with more openness and flexibility, and be more willing to learn and adapt as we grow and develop.

“Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods.” - Unknown

#2 - The Anchoring Bias

An Anchoring Bias is the tendency to rely too heavily on the first piece of information encountered when making decisions.

Say you were heading to the cinema, and as you were about to go in, you bumped into a mate who had just finished watching the film you’ve been dying to see.

“How was the film?” you say to him.

“Absolutely awful,” he says. “Save your money and watch something else.”

That film you’ve been dying to see has now lost its appeal, and as you go into the cinema, you decide to pick another film.

Here’s the thing…

Our decisions in life are heavily influenced by the information we receive from those around us. In some cases, it might save us a lot of time and energy, but in most cases, it doesn’t.

The Anchoring Bias and Weight Loss

When it comes to weight loss, we are heavily influenced by what people and papers tell us.

You see a headline: “This lady lost six stone using a ‘flexible diet plan’!”

(In reality, it was actually the Cambridge Weight Plan that heavily restricts your calories to 600 calories a day for a period of 12 weeks, and the only thing you’re allowed to eat is their “nutritionally complete and healthy” snacks and ready meals, which will set you back about £200 a month.)

We are heavily influenced in our weight-loss decision-making by what we read and where our emotions are at the time.

With weight loss, it’s super important to be aware of this mental model and always remember this simple truth…

The Best Diet Is Enjoyable, Maintainable, Sustainable And You Can See Yourself Doing It A Year From Now - Jay Alderton

#3 - Confirmation Bias

Confirmation Bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, or remember information in a way that confirms one’s preconceptions or beliefs.

When we’re onto a good thing, we hate to think of any negative consequences of our actions, which is why, during this time, we look for evidence to confirm our beliefs and understanding of the world and try to ignore anything that contradicts it.

The Confirmation Bias and Relationships

You just started dating someone you really, really like.

You can talk to this person for hours on end, and they really make you laugh.

This is the first time you’ve ever felt this way about someone, so you completely ignore some of their negative behaviours, like always being late, talking down to restaurant staff, and being obsessed with looking good on social media.

You’re still in the honeymoon period, and things are moving fast, and they say to you, “Let’s move in together.”

Because of how much you’re into this person, it’s only a matter of weeks before you’re giving them the key to your flat.

Then... the red flags come.

What seemed like a good idea suddenly becomes the worst decision you’ve ever made because, upon reflection, you finally realised this person is...

A piece of shit.

Here’s what you need to do…

It’s essential with decisions in your life to look at things more objectively.

There are pros and cons to everything in life, and the key is to weigh them up fully before making big decisions.

Stop letting your emotions make decisions that your logic will have to deal with!

#4 - Fundamental Attribution Error

When we observe someone’s behaviour, we often make assumptions about their personality, beliefs, or intentions without considering the context or circumstances that might have influenced it.

For example, if someone cuts you off on the road, you might assume they’re a rude or aggressive driver, without considering that they might be rushing to the hospital or dealing with an emergency situation.

Or, if someone performs poorly on a test or task, you may assume they lack the necessary skills or intelligence, without considering external factors such as stress, fatigue, or distractions that may have affected their performance.

Understanding this mental model has really helped me, especially when it comes to social media.

I’ve had people destroy me in the comments on my posts, and my response is usually empathetic and kind.

This is because their anger and outrage have nothing to do with me and everything to do with how that person is thinking and feeling at that time.

Do you know what happens when I respond with kindness or message that person to see if they’re okay?

They either apologise or completely stop with their hateful comments, which means I can get back to focusing my time on more positive things than arguing with strangers on the internet.

“Those who shout hate need help.”

#5 - The Curse of Knowledge

The Curse of Knowledge is the difficulty in imagining what it’s like not to know something once you already know it, leading to difficulty in communication and teaching.

I’ve been a transformation coach for over a decade now and can pretty much understand most of the scientific literature on nutrition, training, and mindset.

What I continue to do, however, is break it down into simple, actionable advice and try my best not to overcomplicate it.

My thought process is: if I can explain it to my 6-year-old son and he gets it, then everyone will get it too.

And if I have gaps in my understanding, I go back to the books to learn a little more deeply.

This mental model is powerful to remember, especially if you’re an expert in a particular area trying to teach others.

Never assume that others know what you know, and always try to break things down into manageable, bite-sized chunks, with lots of pictures and stories.

This is not only the best way for you to learn at a deeper level, but also for others to learn.

One of the best examples of this is “The Feynman Technique”

Richard Feynman was an American theoretical physicist known for his work in quantum mechanics and particle physics. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1965.

It’s safe to say Mr Feynman was an incredibly smart man who understood incredibly complex subjects. Still, despite his intellect, he was able to break things down so everyone could understand it with his simple “Feynman Technique”:

1. Pick and study a topic

2. Explain the topic to someone, like a child who is unfamiliar with the topic, at a level they understand, using simple language.

3. Identify any gaps in your level of understanding.

4. Simplify your explanations and create analogies so they are easy to understand

If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.

Mental models aren’t just abstract concepts…

They’re practical tools you can use every single day to make better decisions, understand people better, and see the world more clearly.

Stop doing this:

• Assuming your perception is reality

• Making decisions based on the first piece of information you hear

• Only looking for evidence that confirms what you already believe

• Judging people’s behaviour without considering their circumstances

• Assuming everyone knows what you know

Start doing this:

• Question your mental maps - they’re not always accurate

• Gather multiple sources of information before making decisions

• Actively seek out evidence that contradicts your beliefs

• Respond with empathy and kindness - behaviour doesn’t define a person

• Simplify complex ideas - if you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it

These mental models will change the way you think if you actually use them.

Jay Alderton

However, these paradoxes can actually be opportunities for personal growth.

Today, we’ll explore five paradoxes that can help you expand your understanding of yourself and the world around you.

From the Ship of Theseus Paradox to the Willpower Paradox, each of these will challenge you to think differently and embrace new perspectives.

“I know one thing,” Socrates famously said. “That I know nothing.”

Let’s dive in...

#1 - The Ship of Theseus Paradox

The Ship of Theseus Paradox is a philosophical thought experiment that raises the question of whether an object that has had all its components replaced remains fundamentally the same object.

The paradox is named after Theseus, a legendary king of Athens in Greek mythology, and his ship.

Here’s how it goes…

Imagine a ship, the Ship of Theseus, that is constantly sailing the seas.

Over time, every single piece of the ship is replaced with new ones due to wear and tear, so that after several years, not a single piece of the original ship remains.

The question is then posed…

Is the ship that remains after all the replacements still the same ship that started the journey, or is it a different ship altogether?

On the one hand, it may seem that the ship is still the same because it retains its name, history, and purpose.

On the other hand, some argue that the ship is not the same because it’s composed entirely of different components.

One thing is for certain about the ship…

Whenever something on the ship becomes damaged or a part stops working, it is replaced, and the ship continues to work as well as it did 10 years before.

Here’s where it gets interesting:

When we look at people, they aren’t too dissimilar from the ship because of the following things:

• Your skin regenerates every 27 days.

• If you take 70% of a person’s liver away, 90% of it will grow back in 2 months.

• Your taste buds regenerate every 10 days to 2 weeks.

• A study at New York Medical College found your heart is actually dotted with stem cells that constantly rejuvenate it at least 3-4 times over a lifetime.

• Your skeleton replaces itself every 10 years.

Physically, you are a completely different person from the person you were 10 years ago.

And yet you still carry all the limiting doubts, beliefs, and biases that you had back then, limiting your growth and success.

If your physical body can completely change over the course of its lifetime, then your mind can do so too.

Stop holding onto the person you were.

You’re already not that person anymore!

#2 - Sorites Paradox

Suppose you have a heap of sand, and you remove one grain from it.

Is it still a heap?

Yes, it is.

What if you remove one more grain?

It’s still a heap, right?

Yes.

But if you keep removing grains one by one, you’ll eventually end up with just one grain.

At what point does the heap become a non-heap?

The paradox arises because there seems to be no clear line between what counts as a heap and what doesn’t.

This is because the concept of a “heap” is vague and imprecise.

So how does this relate to personal development and growth?

A lot of times, when we set goals, they are very vague and imprecise.

People say to me, “I want to be healthier” or “I want to be more successful.”

But what does that really mean?

How do we know when we have reached our goal?

Here’s the thing…

Before you can see the heap (your outcome-based goal), you need to consistently add the habit (the grain of sand) every day.

So instead of saying “I want to be healthier,” you need to commit to a non-negotiable habit of three gym sessions a week.

Instead of saying “I want to be more successful,” commit to a skill which you practice every day for the next 3 years (e.g., writing, coding, singing).

Small things done consistently turn into big things over time, and it won’t be long before those grains of sand eventually start to look like a heap.

#3 - The Hedgehog’s Dilemma

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma is a concept introduced by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer that describes the tension between the desire for intimacy and the fear of being hurt or rejected.

It uses the analogy of a group of hedgehogs huddling together for warmth on a cold winter night.

While they seek warmth from one another, they also risk hurting each other with their spines.

“Love is when you give someone else the power to destroy you, and you trust them not to do it.” - E. Lockhart

You desire close relationships and intimacy but fear being hurt, rejected, or vulnerable.

This fear causes you to emotionally and physically distance yourself from others, preventing you from forming meaningful relationships.

Overcoming the Hedgehog’s Dilemma requires you to confront your fear of vulnerability and develop the skills necessary to manage and communicate your emotions effectively.

This involves practising self-awareness, empathy, honing your communication skills, and most importantly...

Learning to trust others.

Many people fall into a self-fulfilling prophecy when it comes to relationships:

• They start to get close to someone and open up more

• They fear that person will break their heart, now you’ve let your walls down

• They start to put the walls back up and create distance with that person

• That person then leaves because you’re not being open with them

• You get your heart broken and fulfil the prophecy

Stop protecting yourself from getting hurt by guaranteeing you’ll get hurt.

See the problem?

#4 - The Self-Defeating Prophecy

A Self-Defeating Prophecy is the complementary opposite of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in that it’s a prediction that prevents what it predicts from happening.

This is super important to understand before I delve deeper into how to use Self-Defeating Prophecies to succeed.

Example of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy:

Say I was focused on losing weight and getting in shape, and deep down, I believed I would not be able to achieve it. Because of this, I stopped doing the things that would get me the result. That’s a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

Here’s an example of a Self-Defeating Prophecy…

Let’s say again I was focused on losing weight and getting in shape, and I told myself I was going to fail at achieving my goal.

That negative feedback made me question just how much I wanted to achieve my goal and gave me the focus and drive to succeed.

This is a Self-Defeating Prophecy.

So how can we “Slay the Dragon” and defeat the prophecy that’s in our minds and guarantee success?

Recognise: recognise the thoughts you’re having, get them out of your head and onto a piece of paper.

Challenge - Now that you have these thoughts written down, it’s time to challenge why you’re thinking these things. These will be down to fears, false beliefs, and temporary blips in self-confidence.

Realise - Write down the action that, if you did, would guarantee failure. An example of this would be (skipping my gym sessions, not tracking my nutrition, avoiding the scale).

Reframe - Now it’s time to reframe those actions into commitments to guarantee success. An example of this would be (3 gym sessions per week, track my nutrition, weigh myself every morning).

Act - Make a commitment to the habits to achieve the goal and add in some accountability (find a gym partner and put some skin in the game to keep up with the sessions, get a coach to submit my nutrition to each week, take a picture of me jumping on the scale and post it on my stories for accountability).

Celebrate—when you achieve your goal, get yourself something entirely selfish to reward yourself. You’ve slayed the dragon, and you need to remind yourself that doubts can be turned into wins.

#5 - The Willpower Paradox

The Willpower Paradox is the idea that the more we try to exert willpower to control our behaviour, the more we may experience a sense of loss of control.

This paradox arises because the act of trying to control our impulses or behaviour requires mental effort and energy, which can be depleted over time, leaving us more vulnerable to giving in to temptation.

For example…

If someone is in a customer-facing job and uses their willpower to smile at everyone all day and avoid arguing back, by the time they get home, they lose all control, which is why they end up in massive arguments with their loved ones.

Think of willpower like a phone battery.

If you wanted it to last all day, there are a few things you could do:

• Turn off Bluetooth and Wi-Fi

• Reduce the brightness on the screen

• Make sure to bring a charger with you

If you want your “Willpower Battery” to stay full, there are a few things you can do too:

• Turn off Bluetooth and Wi-Fi. Stop following negative things on social media

• Reduce the brightness on the screen. Surround yourself with people who lift you up

• Make sure to bring a charger. Fill up your vessel daily (Exercise/Nutrition/Mindfulness)

Don’t rely on willpower to succeed…

Find ways to keep your battery full throughout the day by avoiding the things that drain it and focusing on the things that power it up.

Paradoxes aren’t just philosophical thought experiments….

They’re practical tools for understanding yourself and the world around you.

Stop doing this:

• Holding onto the person you were 10 years ago

• Setting vague goals without specific habits

• Protecting yourself from hurt by sabotaging relationships

• Letting negative prophecies become self-fulfilling

• Relying on willpower alone to succeed

Start doing this:

• Recognise you’re physically a different person - change your mindset too

• Focus on daily habits (grains of sand) that build the heap

• Embrace vulnerability and trust others

• Use self-defeating prophecies to fuel your success

• Keep your willpower battery full by managing what drains it

These paradoxes will challenge your thinking.

And that’s exactly the point!

Jay Alderton

What is a life principle?

A life principle is a fundamental guideline or belief that someone follows in order to live a fulfilling life.

These principles can be personal or universal, and they often reflect an individual’s values and goals.

Life principles, to me, are mental models that you can take with you and use in everyday life.

Take a look at my 8 and let me know which ones resonate with you the most.

Let’s go...

#1 - Embrace “The Dip”

“The Dip” is a fantastic book by Seth Godin.

In it, he discusses the idea that to be successful in any area of life, you need to be willing to endure the difficult and challenging times that inevitably come with it.

Here’s the problem…

People give up too easily when they reach a “dip”

(a period of time when progress seems slow or non-existent).

Those who are willing to push through the dip will eventually come out the other side and reap the rewards of their hard work and persistence.

So the next time a project or task you’re super focused on starts to feel like it’s going backwards, keep pushing forwards.

Incredible things start to happen once you’re out of the dip.

Most people quit right before the breakthrough.

Don’t be most people!

#2 - Master “The Gap”

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Viktor E. Frankl

The Gap is a magical period of time between when something happens to you and how you respond.

A great example?

You post something online, and someone says something nasty in the comments.

Your immediate reaction is to get angry and “fight fire with fire” by giving them just as much nastiness in a response.

Before you do, pause for a second and breathe.

Don’t think…

“What’s the wittiest response I can think of right now to get one up on them?”

Think…

“That person might just be having a bad day, and their response has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them.”

Another one I think about is this…

“Do I really want to waste my time arguing with a stranger on the internet when I could be spending that time doing something productive?”

The answer is always no.

The best response?

Wish them well and end it there.

Most of the time when this happens, that’s the end of the conversation, and no more time has been wasted.

“Do not continue the battle. One may think they have won because you chose silence. But the true winner is the one with peace in their heart.” - Anon

#3 - Don’t Complain, Don’t Explain

This motto was heavily associated with Queen Elizabeth II, who reigned for over 70 years on the throne in the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth.

As you can imagine, during her 70-year reign, she had to endure ups and downs that tested her patience and resolve.

Did you see any of this during her reign?

No.

Here’s what happens…

When bad things happen to us or we make mistakes, we feel the world’s eyes are on us and that people are pressuring us to “make a response” or “justify what we meant.”

It’s during these times that people make their biggest slip-ups, saying things they don’t really mean because they feel vulnerable and weak.

This does not help you in the long run, and all those people who you think are attacking you right now will move on to something else in a couple of days.

The “Don’t Complain, Don’t Explain” motto encourages a mindset of positivity and productivity, rather than dwelling on negative aspects or making excuses for one’s actions.

If you’re unhappy about something or someone and you can’t do anything about it, then don’t complain.

If you know deep down the things you meant and how true you’ve been to your decisions, then don’t explain.

#4 - Create More Than You Consume

The internet is split into three types of people:

• 90% are Lurkers - These are people who consume 100% of everything on the internet but never create anything themselves

• 9% are Contributors - These are people who contribute a little bit to the internet (the odd blog post or article) but still spend more time consuming than creating

• 1% are Creators - These are people who spend pretty much all their time creating value content for the other 99% of the world that consume it

This is called the 90-9-1 Principle, and I’ve found it applies to pretty much anything.

If I teach a room of 200 people, 180 won’t do anything with the information, 18 will do something, and 2 will do everything.

If you want to make sure you’re in that top 10%, then focus on creating more than you consume.

Creating online will have a significant impact on your life when done consistently and will give you opportunities you never dreamed of, as it has for me.

Stop lurking. Start creating!

#5 - Learn Then Teach

There’s something called the Learning Retention Pyramid.

Although it’s just a theory, the majority of it is true.

There is a massive difference in how much information you retain when you compare sitting in a classroom learning to practising by doing.

You can learn how to run a business from someone else, or you can start a business and learn as you go.

The game changes, however, when you start to teach others what you’ve learned.

To teach others, you really need to understand what you’re talking about, so you retain the information better.

And I find this is super important to do when it comes to reading.

Here’s what I want you to do the next time you read a chapter of a book:

1. Read the chapter of the book

2. Write down three of the biggest takeaways from the chapter

3. Write a post online about your three biggest takeaways from the chapter, or sit down with a friend and tell them about the three things you’ve learned.

You’ll be amazed at just how much the information goes in and stays there when you do.

#6 - Focus on Fun

When we’re stressed, it can trigger addictive behaviour.

Binge-watching Netflix.

Eating all the food in the cupboard.

Taking drugs and drinking alcohol.

We’re doing this to reduce stress levels, and all the above do a bloody good job of doing that.

Except it doesn’t.

Although it relieves the stress temporarily, the long-term effects of abusing the above can shorten your lifespan and create unhealthy habits that limit your success and growth.

The solution?

Have more fun.

Many things having fun does to your body and brain when you participate in it regularly…

Relieves Stress - Having fun releases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemical. Endorphins give you an overall sense of well-being and can temporarily relieve pain.

Improves Brain Function - Pursuing fun and challenging activities with others can help prevent memory problems and improve brain function. Having fun with others can help reduce stress and lower feelings of depression.

Boosts Creativity - You learn better when you’re relaxed and in a playful mood. Having fun stimulates imagination, which helps you solve problems more easily.

Improves Connections with Others - Having fun with others can help bring empathy, trust, and intimacy and help you loosen up in stressful situations, especially when meeting new people.

Stop treating fun like it’s optional…

It’s essential!

#7 - Thoughts Become Things

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a belief or expectation that influences a person’s behaviour, ultimately leading it to come true.

For example, if someone believes they will fail at a task, they may put in less effort or become discouraged more easily, ultimately leading to failure.

In this way, their belief becomes a reality, fulfilling the prophecy they had made for themselves.

Your thoughts become things, which is why it’s vital to focus on daily mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the current moment, without judgment or distraction.

It involves paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations in a non-judgmental way, to increase self-awareness and improve overall well-being.

Adding a daily mindfulness practice into your day will help stop your thoughts from becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.

#8 - Overcome Obstacles

“The obstacles that lie between you and your goals are not there to stop you from reaching your goals. They are there to stop the people who don’t want them enough.” - Randy Pausch

Throughout your life, you will face many obstacles, and when viewed the wrong way, they will hinder your progress.

What you have to understand about obstacles is that they’re not there to stop you from achieving things…

They are put in place to see how much you really want something.

Enjoy the obstacles and remember:

“You don’t learn anything from a perfect week.”

Life principles aren’t mystical concepts…

They’re practical mental models you can use every single day.

Stop doing this:

• Quitting when you hit the dip

• Reacting immediately without finding the gap

• Complaining and explaining when things go wrong

• Consuming more than you create

• Learning without teaching

• Treating fun as optional

• Letting negative thoughts control your reality

• Seeing obstacles as roadblocks

Start doing this:

• Push through the dip - the breakthrough is on the other side

• Master the gap between stimulus and response

• Don’t complain, don’t explain - just move forward

• Create more than you consume - be in the 1%

• Learn then teach - retention skyrockets when you explain it to others

• Focus on fun - it’s not a luxury, it’s essential

• Control your thoughts before they become things

• Overcome obstacles - they’re testing how much you want it

These aren’t “nice ideas.”

They’re principles that will fundamentally change how you operate if you actually apply them.

Jay Alderton

David Goggins.

Decorated US Navy SEAL, world record holder, motivational speaker, endurance athlete, and author.

I stumbled on Goggins back in 2017 when I was training for my 24-hour backwards run charity event, and he was the first person to really talk sense when it came to pushing past what’s possible for a human being to do.

I want to share five of his best quotes and unpack them so you can use them in your own life.

Let’s go...

#1 - “You Don’t Need Six Pack Abs If Your Mind Is Steel Plated”

Do you know why most people seek to achieve six-pack abs, especially as a man?

Confidence.

Achieving a six-pack can help boost your self-esteem, improve your confidence, and make you look healthy and successful.

(Actually being healthy and successful with a six-pack is debatable, but that’s for another post)

All of the above is really the effect that a six-pack has on your mind.

What I think Goggins is referring to when he says you don’t need it if your mind is steel plated is exactly this:

• When your mind is steel plated, you get your confidence from your actions

• When your mind is steel plated, you get your self-esteem from your habits and actions

• When your mind is steel plated, you naturally become healthy and successful from your focused efforts in life

The six-pack is just a side effect of a strong mind.

The strong mind is the actual prize.

#2 - “99% of the Work Done Is Unseen”

One of my favourite quotes is “Float like a duck and paddle like fuck.”

This refers to when you see a duck effortlessly floating on the lake, looking calm and focused, when in actual fact it’s paddling its feet underneath to stay afloat.

If you want to achieve real success in this world, it’s what people don’t see that makes you a success.

• People don’t see the early mornings and late evenings when you’re beating on your craft

• People don’t see the books you read, your journal entries, and how you manage your stress

• People don’t see the failures, fuck-ups, and mistakes it took to get where you are now

99% of the work is unseen.

Everyone wants to celebrate the finish line.

Nobody wants to watch you run the 26 miles before it.

#3 - “I’d Rather You Hate Me and Get Better Than Like Me and Stay the Same”

Something I get a lot of feedback about with my content is how “honest and real” it is.

A lot of the reason for this is the knowledge that when people hear what they want to hear in their lives, they carry on down the same path.

If you’re worried about hurting people’s feelings, they’re not going to change their habits and routines to live a better life.

If you’re brutally honest with them, they might hate you for saying something, but it might actually make them think about what they want from life and make a positive change.

One approach guarantees more people like you, but they all stay the same.

The other approach might make people hate you, but you’ll get some of them to change.

I’d rather change a few lives and piss off the rest than be liked by everyone while helping no one.

#4 - “Performance Without Purpose”

My morning routine is pretty intense.

Before 8am, I’ve stretched, cold plunged, read a chapter of a book, journalled, and hit a gym session.

If I were training for the Olympics or for a championship belt, people wouldn’t bat an eye because I have a reason for putting so much work into my physical self.

The reality?

I’m not training for anything.

Just life.

Here’s the thing:

When you can perform at an elite level without a specific purpose, the world becomes much easier to navigate.

You can deal with curveballs better.

You have a relentless amount of energy to put into family life and work.

And you look pretty damn good, too.

It’s a great quote.

Not easy to achieve - it’s taken me over a decade to finally hit home - but when it does, it’s a game changer.

#5 - “Who’s Gonna Carry the Boats?”

In Navy SEAL training, candidates are assigned to boat crews, and wherever they go, they have to carry a 200-pound inflatable boat with them.

As the hours pass by, the boat becomes heavier from people dropping out and quitting.

What Goggins used to shout to his boat crew was:

“Who’s going to carry the boats?”

This would motivate the remaining crew members to stay in the fight and keep pushing forward.

Back in the Army, we had a thing called “Leader’s Legs.”

What it meant was the mental and physical strength to push through your own self-pity and exhaustion so you can motivate those around you to achieve the task at hand.

Here’s what happens when you take it upon yourself to lead:

It gives you energy.

Energy to push through tough times.

Energy to help others push through those tough times, too.

And the increased ability to successfully complete the thing you’re aiming for.

The next time you’re struggling in some way, ask yourself - or even shout it out:

“Who’s going to carry the boats?”

Take the burden on your shoulders.

If you motivate others around you to push through, it will help you push through, too.

David Goggins isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

He’s extreme. He’s intense. He’s unrelenting.

But the principles behind what he teaches are universal:

Stop doing this:

• Seeking external validation (like six-pack abs) for confidence

• Showing off the 1% while neglecting the 99% that matters

• Telling people what they want to hear to be liked

• Only performing when you have a specific goal

• Waiting for someone else to lead

Start doing this:

• Build a steel-plated mind through consistent action

• Do the unseen work that nobody applauds

• Be brutally honest, even if people hate you for it

• Perform at an elite level every day without needing a reason

• Step up and carry the boats when everyone else is quitting

You don’t need to be a Navy SEAL to apply these principles.

You just need to stop making excuses and start doing the hard work that nobody sees.

Just when things are starting to go to plan, life throws you a curveball.

And when it does?

You have every right and every excuse to fall behind and feel a little lost.

But as valid as those excuses are, they’re not going to help you get closer to your goals.

Today, I’m teaching you about an ancient Japanese concept called Fudoshin.

“The Immovable Mind.”

Understanding how to apply this in your life won’t just help you deal with curveballs better.

It’ll help you respond in a way that moves you forward instead of holding you back.

Let’s go...

What Exactly is “Fudoshin”?

For Japanese Samurai Warriors, Fudoshin was the ability to display courage in the face of danger, sickness, and even death without any fear.

For us, the application can be a little less extreme.

The martial art of Kendo refers to Fudoshin as “Shikai”

The Four Sicknesses of the Mind…

• Anger

• Doubt

• Fear

• Surprise

Being able to manage and reduce these in your life successfully will give you an immovable mind.

#1 - Anger

Anger is something we all face.

According to psychologist Melody Stanford Martin, there are four types:

Short Anger - The immediate, physical response connected to our fight/flight/freeze system. This anger is part of your body’s ability to protect itself by taking immediate action.

Long Anger - The ongoing sense that the world is not what it should be. Usually experienced with grief or any time you’re forced to accept the unacceptable. Long anger sucks.

Hot Anger - A rush of rage. We’ve all had that situation when we’ve “seen red” and been completely unable to control our responses. Hot anger has explosive, destructive qualities and is not somewhere you want to stay for long.

Cold Anger - Anger that’s been cooled and put to use. Say you’ve had a really stressful day and instead of going home to start an argument with your partner, you head to the gym to put the anger to good use.

Here’s what you need to remember about anger…

“You cannot see your reflection in boiling water. Similarly, you can’t see truths in your life in a state of anger.”

To find your Fudoshin, you need to manage your anger levels better.

Here’s how I do it…

#1 - You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it.

When life deals you a shit hand, pause for a second and think:

“How do I WANT to respond to this?”

rather than “How SHOULD I respond?”

#2 - When you’re in a good place physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially, you give zero fucks what anyone else thinks of you.

Looking after yourself in these areas will ensure your anger levels stay low.

#3 - You get angry when something you thought was going to happen doesn’t.

Traffic. Delayed flights. Losing something valuable.

This goes back to point one…

You can’t control what happens, only how you respond.

Condition yourself to let go of the outcome.

“At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.” - Italian Proverb

#2 - Doubt

It’s said that “doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

If you want to find your Fudoshin, you need to learn how to manage three different types of doubt…

Doubt in Your SELF

This is the biggest dream killer.

When you don’t believe in yourself, others won’t believe in you either.

The whole thing becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I’ve overcome this by truly understanding:

• No one is special

• Every professional was once an amateur

• You can’t fail if you don’t give up

Doubt in OTHERS

This one applies deeply to business and relationships.

If you have doubts about others’ abilities in business, you won’t trust them to do a good job. People learn from mistakes, and when you doubt them, they’re so afraid of making mistakes that everything takes much longer.

Learn to trust and allow others to make mistakes if you want to grow.

Doubts about others in your close relationships usually say more about your own insecurities than your partner’s behaviour.

This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, too.

When you place doubt in relationships, you lose all trust.

When trust is gone, the relationship is gone.

Others’ Doubt in YOU

I’ve had people doubt my abilities since I was in my 20s.

From my Staff Sergeant in the Army telling me “There’s no jobs out there for people like you” to people on the internet saying “Box jumping Mount Everest is impossible.”

If you let others tell you what you can and can’t do, and allow that self-doubt to creep in, you’re finished.

Instead, turn that doubt into spite and use it as fuel.

My response to doubt has always been this:

“Ahh, you’re new here. Stick around long enough and you might learn something.”

#3 - Fear

When it comes to fear, many things can be debilitating.

Phobias are interesting because a lot of them are excessive and unreasonable.

I’m not a big fan of heights, but every time I get the opportunity to go somewhere up high, I jump at it.

(Jump is probably the wrong word… more like grit my teeth and bear it.)

Here’s why..

The solution to fear is not avoidance.

It’s exposure.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” - Marie Curie

A lot of people have a fear of failure, which causes them to avoid doing the thing they really want to do.

Which then creates failure anyway.

You have two options when facing your fears:

Action or Avoidance.

Only one produces an outcome.

You avoid?

You fail.

You take action?

You might fail. But you might also succeed.

And remember…

You can’t fail if you don’t give up.

#4 - Surprise

Everyone likes positive surprises.

Someone gets you a nice gift.

You find a tenner on the pavement.

What people hate are negative surprises.

Surprise... you must stay at home.

Surprise... your car needs four new tyres and a new exhaust.

People don’t like negative surprises because they weren’t expecting them.

My recommendation?

Embrace Murphy’s Law.

Murphy’s Law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.

The key to embracing it is not expecting that the worst might happen.

It’s understanding that if it does, you’ll be absolutely fine.

“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it... but love it.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

When you accept what will be, there are no more surprises.

If it’s positive, it’ll make you smile and be grateful.

If it’s negative, you don’t yet know if it’s bad because you have the rest of your life to find out.

Finding your own Fudoshin is a relentless pursuit of managing your Four Sicknesses of the Mind.

Stop doing this:

• Reacting to anger in the moment

• Doubting yourself and others

• Avoiding your fears

• Being blindsided by negative surprises

Start doing this:

• Pause and choose your response to anger

• Believe in yourself and others - use doubt as fuel

• Expose yourself to your fears through action

• Accept that if things go wrong, you’ll handle it

Life will keep throwing curveballs.

The question is whether you’re going to let them knock you on your arse or whether you’re going to build an immovable mind that handles whatever comes.

Self-discipline.

Not motivation.

Not inspiration.

Not waiting until you “feel like it.”

Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do things even when you don’t want to do them.

Once you master this, it becomes a superpower because you stop being a slave to your emotions and moods.

You just get the things that need doing...

done.

Today, I’m giving you five ways to build self-discipline that actually work.

No motivational fluff.

No “believe in yourself” bollocks.

Just practical strategies you can use starting today.

Let’s go...

#1 - One Chapter A Day

Success is breaking big goals into small chunks and committing to them daily.

People always ask me: “Jay, can you send me your top 20 books?”

I send them the list and here’s what happens...

You get that list.

You’re buzzing.

You buy 5 books.

You smash through 3 or 4 while the motivation’s still high.

Then life happens.

Work gets busy.

The books gather dust.

By the end of the year?

Maybe you’ve finished 2 more if you’re lucky.

The problem isn’t the books...

It’s your strategy.

Here’s what actually works...

Get ONE book.

Read ONE chapter per day.

That’s it.

One chapter takes 15-20 minutes to read properly.

Most self-development books have 11-12 chapters.

Do the math...

• One chapter per day = one book every two weeks

• That’s 2 books per month

• That’s 24 books per year

All from just reading one chapter a day.

Now apply this chunking method to everything else...

• 7 pull-ups per day = 2,555 per year (178,850kg through your back if you’re 70kg)

• 2,000 extra steps per day = 730,000 steps per year (32,850 calories burned)

Small things done consistently turn into big things over time.

Stop trying to be a hero.

Start being consistent.

#2 - Challenge and Commit (Or Stop Winging It)

Back in 2018, I wanted to get into cold therapy and sea swimming.

Two problems...

1. I didn’t like the cold.

2. Swimming in the sea in winter? That sounded mental.

So I created a challenge and made a commitment.

A cold shower every single day in March.

Day 1 was brutal.

So was Day 2.

And 3.

And 10.

And 12.

If I hadn’t committed to the challenge, I would’ve quit in the first week.

Then Day 14 happened.

The water didn’t feel as cold.

I actually enjoyed the minute under the shower.

Day 15 was easier.

Day 16, I went to a swimming pool and a bloke stopped me before the showers:

“You don’t want to use those - they’re freezing cold!”

I smiled and walked straight in.

He looked at me like I was mad.

Had I not been 16 days into my challenge, I would’ve listened to him.

When you commit to doing hard things, you handle what life throws at you better.

It takes a few weeks to see the benefit from what you’re doing.

Only THEN can you become truly consistent with it.

“Commitment is doing the thing you said you would do, long after the mood in which you said it has passed.” - Les Brown

What to do…

If there’s something difficult you want to get into, challenge yourself for 30 days and commit to doing it every single day, regardless of how you feel.

Not when you’re motivated.

Every. Single. Day.

#3 - Become Accountable

I have a cold plunge in my garden set to 4 degrees.

I jump in at 6am pretty much every day.

Even after three years of cold therapy, some days are still hard.

The voice in my head, especially when there’s frost outside says...

“No one will know if you don’t go in.”

“Why don’t you skip it today?”

On those difficult days, I get my phone out and press live on Instagram.

Why?

Because I know 100% that if I press that button, I’m getting in that cold plunge.

We find it easy to let ourselves down.

We convince ourselves it’s not essential, or we should skip today.

But we find it MUCH harder to let others down.

Accountability is the difference between saying you’ll do something and actually doing it.

“Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to the result.” - Bob Proctor

What to do…

If there’s something you want to achieve that you’re struggling with, ask yourself...

How can I become more accountable for getting it done?

Tell someone.

Post about it.

Make it public.

Remove the option to quit quietly.

#4 - Dial In the Distractions

When I’m doing something difficult that requires full attention, I’m easily distracted.

The easiest distraction?

Social media.

If I’m not careful, I’ll happily waste 20-30 minutes scrolling through my phone before I realise I’m procrastinating.

Here’s something that’ll blow your mind...

Your brain receives 11 million bits of information per second from your senses, but can only consciously process 60 bits.

The rest is processed unconsciously.

Translation: We’re terrible at multitasking.

If you want to get more done, you need to increase focus and decrease distractions.

Here’s how:

• Find your quiet time. Early morning or late at night when the world shuts up.

• Turn off notifications. Switch off your phone. Set a timer for 25-45 minutes.

• Listen to focus music. Search “binaural beats” on YouTube.

• Reward yourself afterwards. A coffee. A 5-minute stretch outside. Even a timed 5-minute Instagram scroll if you must.

When you dial in the distractions and create a positive process for getting things done, it becomes much easier.

“Life is a hailstorm of distractions. It’s not the monster that stops us but the mosquito.” - Robert Allen

Stop pretending you can multitask.

You can’t. Nobody can.

Focus on one thing at a time or accept that you’ll do everything poorly.

#5 - Eat a Frog Every Morning

“Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” - Mark Twain

Self-discipline is making yourself do things even when you don’t want to do them.

You can build this muscle by starting your day with something difficult,

By “eating a live frog.”

Here’s the thing...

When you wake up and choose to do the most difficult thing at the start of your day, everything else becomes easier.

You’re training your self-discipline muscle.

It’s getting stronger.

For me, my frog is the cold plunge.

It’s the hardest thing to get done each day.

Once it’s done, my day becomes easier.

You don’t need a cold plunge to train self-discipline.

Start small.

Work your way up.

Here’s a 30-day progression...

• Difficulty Easy: Get up 30 minutes earlier. Stretch for 15 minutes. Read one chapter.

• Difficulty Medium: Get up 45 minutes earlier. Go for a run or gym session.

• Difficulty Hard: Get up 45 minutes earlier. Start with a 1-minute cold shower. Do all the above.

(Note: If you’re getting up earlier, go to bed earlier. You still need at least 7 hours of sleep.)

Do something difficult first thing every morning.

Build the discipline muscle when it’s weakest, right after you wake up.

That’s where the real strength comes from.

Self-discipline isn’t a personality trait you’re either born with or not.

It’s a skill you build through consistent practice.

Stop...

• Waiting until you “feel motivated”

• Taking on too much at once

• Making commitments only to yourself

• Letting distractions run the show

• Avoiding hard things until later

Start...

• Read one chapter per day (small, consistent wins)

• Challenge yourself for 30 days and commit

• Make yourself accountable to others

• Remove distractions completely during focus time

• Eat your frog first thing every morning

Your discipline muscle is like any other muscle.

It gets stronger with use and atrophies with neglect.

Now get off your arse and go do something difficult.

The question isn’t IF you’ll be stressed.

It’s whether you’re going to let it run your life or whether you’re going to learn how to handle it like a grown adult.

Everyone bangs on about exercise and meditation for stress relief.

Yeah, great. We’ve all heard it a thousand times.

But here’s what they don’t tell you...

Your five senses are stress-relief tools you’re carrying around every single day and completely ignoring.

Today I’m giving you one trick for each sense - sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

No hippy nonsense.

Just practical shit that works.

Let’s dive in...

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” - Jon Kabat-Zinn

#1 - Sight: Get Outside

Nature isn’t just “nice to look at”

It’s stress relief on tap!

When you spend time outside, your body physically responds by dropping cortisol and adrenaline (your stress hormones).

Your heart rate slows down.

Your blood pressure drops.

Your muscles actually relax instead of staying clenched like you’re about to get punched.

Being in nature forces your brain to shut up for a minute.

It distracts you from the endless loop of negative thoughts and worries that are running on repeat in your head.

It also promotes mindfulness.

(You can’t doom-scroll Instagram while looking at trees).

You’re forced to be present.

So next time stress starts building up, get your shoes on and get outside.

Even 10 minutes works.

Walk in a park.

Sit by water.

Stand under some trees.

I don’t care.

Just get out of your artificial environment and into an actual natural one.

#2 - Sound: Build A “Pressure Relief” Playlist

Music isn’t background noise, it’s a chemical trigger!

Listening to songs you love activates dopamine and serotonin in your brain.

That’s the feel-good hormones that counteract stress and anxiety.

Music also pulls you into positive memories and emotions, which shuts down the negative thought spiral your brain loves to indulge in when you’re stressed.

Here’s what most people get wrong...

They wait until they’re already drowning in stress to think about what might help.

Too late, mate.

What to do…

Right now —NOT later —NOW, create a playlist of 10-15 tracks that make you feel good.

Songs that hit you in the chest and make you forget your problems for three minutes.

For me? “Needin’ You” by David Morales and “Mr Brightside” by The Killers.

Instant mood shift.

When you start feeling overwhelmed, hit play and take a 10-minute break somewhere you can’t be interrupted.

(Somewhere people won’t hear how terrible your singing voice is).

The difference?

You’re not scrambling for solutions when stress hits.

You’ve already built the tool.

#3 - Smell: Create Your Own “Stress-Busting Scent”

Last July, I walked into my office and suddenly felt relaxed and excited at the same time.

The reason?

Someone had plugged in a Glade air freshener that smelled like cinnamon and red wine leftover from Christmas.

My brain immediately went into “festive mode” because that scent was tied to positive memories.

This is your olfactory system at work.

Your sense of smell is directly wired to the part of your brain that controls emotions and memories.

It’s a shortcut to changing your mood.

Most people leave this completely to chance.

Fuck that. You can engineer this.

Here’s how to build your own stress-busting scent:

1. Pick your lowest-stress time of day. For me, it’s early morning.

2. Pick an activity you do that makes you feel good. Mine is stretching.

3. Get an aroma diffuser and an essential oil you find calming. Lavender works for me. Pick whatever doesn’t make you want to gag.

4. Run the diffuser every time you do that activity for the next few weeks. Make it part of your routine.

5. Your brain will start associating that scent with a sense of calm and relaxation. It’s Pavlov’s dog, but you’re programming yourself instead of waiting for life to do it randomly.

6. Next time you’re stressed, switch on the diffuser, instant mood shift.

You’re literally creating a stress antidote you can trigger on demand.

#4 - Touch: Get a Dog (Or Borrow One)

Want to reduce stress?

Pet a dog.

Research shows that petting a dog lowers cortisol (stress hormone) and increases serotonin (feel-good hormone).

It’s not “cute”

It’s biochemistry.

Here’s a crazy stat for you..

84% of PTSD patients paired with a service dog reported a significant reduction in their symptoms.

84 per cent.

That’s not some marginal improvement - that’s life-changing.

What to do…

If you’ve got a dog, spend more time actually petting it instead of just existing in the same house.

If you don’t have a dog, borrow one.

Offer to walk a mate’s dog.

Volunteer at a shelter.

Go to a dog-friendly pub.

The point? Physical touch with animals is a stress relief you can access almost immediately.

Next time the world feels heavy, reach for some pet therapy instead of reaching for your phone or another beer.

#5 - Taste: Sip Away Your Stress

L-Theanine is an amino acid found in tea leaves, especially green tea.

It increases GABA, dopamine, and serotonin in your brain, the neurotransmitters that regulate mood, anxiety, and stress.

Translation?

Drinking green tea literally changes your brain chemistry, making you calmer.

One study showed that after 4 weeks of L-Theanine supplementation, stress-related symptoms dropped significantly compared to placebo.

You don’t need supplements…

Just drink matcha green tea.

It’s not some mystical wellness bullshit;

It’s a functional stress-relief tool disguised as a drink.

What to do…

Next time you’re feeling worked up, make yourself a matcha green tea instead of reaching for your fifth coffee of the day.

(Which is making your stress WORSE, by the way.)

Let it do its job for 20-30 minutes.

Notice the difference.

Stress isn’t going anywhere.

You’re not going to eliminate it by “being positive” or pretending it doesn’t exist.

But you CAN learn to surf it rather than drown in it.

Your five senses are tools:

• Sight: Get outside in nature for 10 minutes

• Sound: Build your pressure-relief playlist NOW

• Smell: Create your own stress-busting scent with a diffuser

• Touch: Pet a dog (or any furry friend)

• Taste: Drink matcha green tea instead of your 6th coffee

These aren’t “nice ideas.”

They’re practical, proven techniques that change your biochemistry.

Stop waiting for stress to magically disappear and start building your toolkit.

You’ve got five senses.

Use them.

I know what you’re thinking..

“Here we go, some hippie bollocks about breathing and finding your chi.”

Don’t worry, this isn’t about burning incense or sitting cross-legged on a mountain.

This is about fixing the fact that you’re walking through life like a zombie, wondering why you’re stressed, anxious, and generally pissed off most of the time.

I’m a former British Army Soldier who has spent 26 years lifting weights, and I’ve seen more people burn out from mental exhaustion than from physical training.

Your mind needs discipline just like your body does.

And the truth is this..

You’re not actually living most of your life.

Let me show you why…

The 47% Problem

In 2010, Harvard psychologists ran a study on 2,250 people.

They pinged them randomly throughout the day and asked three simple questions…

• What are you doing?

• Where’s your mind focused?

• How happy are you right now?

The result?

47% of the time, people weren’t paying attention to what they were actually doing.

Think about that.

You’re functionally absent for half your life.

And what’s even worse is that a wandering mind isn’t just distracted…

It’s miserable.

When people thought about neutral or unhappy things, they were 67% less happy.

And even when thinking about PLEASANT things, they weren’t any happier than when they were fully present.

Translation: Your brain is lying to you.

It thinks daydreaming about holidays or replaying arguments will make you feel better.

It doesn’t.

Being present does!

What the Hell Is Mindfulness Anyway?

Strip away the Instagram wellness bullshit and here’s what mindfulness actually is:

Paying attention to what’s happening RIGHT NOW without losing your shit about it.

That’s it.

Not judging your thoughts.

Not spiralling into anxiety about tomorrow.

Not replaying that embarrassing thing you said in 2003.

Just being here, in this moment, aware of what you’re thinking and feeling, without treating every thought like gospel truth.

As Eckhart Tolle put it..

“Much suffering, much unhappiness arises when you take each thought that comes into your head for the truth.”

Your thoughts are just thoughts.

They’re not commands.

You don’t have to obey them.

How to Actually Start (Without the Woo-Woo)

Forget sitting in lotus position for an hour, chanting mantras.

Start with a body scan.

Five minutes. That’s it!

Here’s how it works…

1. Lie down somewhere you won’t be disturbed

2. Start at your toes

3. Focus on each part of your body, one at a time, moving upward

4. Take a few deep breaths at each spot

5. Notice any tension and let it go

6. Work your way up to the top of your head

Time investment: 5 minutes

Equipment needed: Your body and a floor

Excuses accepted: Zero

I’ve attached a 5-minute body scan at the bottom of this post.

Use it!

Don’t just read about it and move on like you do with everything else!

The 5 Reasons You Need This (Even If You Think You Don’t)

#1 - It Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Let’s get this straight first: stress and anxiety aren’t the same thing.

Stress: Your natural response to life’s demands and pressures.

Deadlines, bills, that meeting with your boss.

Anxiety: Intense, excessive worry about everyday situations that spirals out of control.

Mindfulness helps with both because it teaches you to notice your thoughts without immediately believing them or acting on them.

Here’s the thing: Most of your anxiety comes from treating every thought like it’s a fact. “

I’m going to fail.”

“Everyone thinks I’m shit.”

“This will go wrong.”

Bollocks! Those are just thoughts.

Mindfulness helps you see them for what they are..

Mental chatter, not reality.

#2 - It Improves Focus and Concentration

Your brain is like a badly-trained dog, constantly running off, chasing squirrels, sniffing other dogs’ arses.

That’s your “monkey mind”

The endless stream of thoughts, distractions, and mental noise makes it impossible to concentrate on anything for more than 47 seconds.

Mindfulness quiets that down.

When you’re actually present, you’re not thinking about the past

(which you can’t change)

or the future

(which hasn’t happened).

You’re focused on NOW, which is the only place you can actually DO anything.

The difference?

You stop scrolling through life and start actually living it.

#3 - It Increases Self-Awareness

Two things people don’t do enough of…

• Writing shit down

• Being aware of their thoughts and feelings

Most people are walking around completely disconnected from what’s actually going on in their heads.

Then they wonder why they’re making the same stupid decisions over and over.

Mindfulness forces you to check in with yourself.

To notice patterns.

To catch yourself before you fuck things up.

This is especially crucial if you’re trying to make changes in your life

(which is all of us, let’s be honest).

You can’t change what you’re not aware of.

#4 - It Promotes Emotional Well-Being

Ever sent a scathing text or email when you were angry, then immediately regretted it?

That’s because there was no gap between what happened and your response.

You went straight from trigger to reaction without thinking.

Mindfulness teaches you to “find the gap”

That space of time between something happening and you responding to it.

When you’re mindful, you’re less likely to get swept up in negative emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness.

You still FEEL them, but you don’t let them drive the bus.

The Result?

You handle challenging situations with actual calm and clarity instead of making everything worse by overreacting.

#5 - It Enhances Physical Health

Here’s something they don’t tell you…

Chronic stress is absolutely fucking you up!

High cortisol (your stress hormone) does this lovely stuff:

• Increases appetite and cravings (hello, spare tyre)

• Suppresses immune function (enjoy those constant colds)

• Promotes fat storage around your midsection

• Makes you more vulnerable to illness

Mindfulness reduces cortisol production.

Lower stress = lower cortisol = better physical health.

Translation: Getting your mental shit together literally makes you healthier, leaner, and more resistant to illness.

Not bad for 5 minutes a day!

Look, your mind is wandering around like a clapped-out banger with no steering

47% of the time you’re not even present in your own life.

That’s not normal.

That’s not healthy.

And it’s making you miserable!

Mindfulness isn’t some mystical practice for enlightened monks.

It’s a practical mental discipline that stops you from sleepwalking through life while your brain runs wild.

Five minutes a day.

That’s all I’m asking.

Notice your thoughts without drowning in them.

Create that gap between reaction and response.

Your body needs training.

So does your mind.

Now get your arse on the floor and do that body scan!

See you next week.

It’s because you’re committing one (or all seven) of these deadly sins.

Let’s tear this down...

Sin 1 - Crash Dieting

Overly restricting calories is the fastest way to lose weight and gain it all back, plus an extra stone for your trouble.

Here’s the thing: your body isn’t stupid.

Starve it like a prisoner of war, and it’ll fight back harder than you can white-knuckle through willpower.

The real problem is you’re treating fat loss like a sprint when it’s a marathon.

Remember that tortoise and hare story?

The hare was a cocky twat who fell asleep.

Don’t be the hare.

What to do instead…

• Aim for 0.5-1% bodyweight loss per week (NOT per day)

• Keep your calories high enough that you can still function like a human being

• Think 12 months, not 12 weeks

Slow and steady wins. Always.

Sin 2 - Flying Blind on Your Calories

Not knowing your actual calorie needs is like trying to drive to Glasgow with no map, no GPS, and your mate Dave giving you drunken directions…

You might eventually stumble there, but Christ, what a waste of time.

Here’s what you do:

1. Calculate your Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE) - don’t guess, actually fucking calculate it

2. Be honest about your activity levels (sitting at a desk 10 hours doesn’t make you “moderately active”)

3. Subtract 300 calories from your TDEE - that’s your starting point

4. Allocate 25-30% of those calories to protein (non-negotiable)

5. Split the rest between fats and carbs based on what you actually enjoy

Do you need to track forever?

Nope

Track for 4-6 weeks, learn where you’ve been fuck*ng up then adjust.

It’s like using a map until you know the route

Eventually, you don’t need it anymore.

But you’ve got to use it first.

Sin 3 - Cutting Out Entire Food Groups

“I’m doing keto/carnivore/no-carb/whatever-the-influencer-is-pushing.”

Let me be clear: there are two types of people in this world..

those who like carbs and liars.

Newsflash, Carbohydrates are not the enemy.

They’re your body’s preferred fuel source and the reason pizza exists.

Cutting them out completely is like deciding you’ll only drive in first gear because someone on Instagram said gears 2-5 make you fat.

Absolute horseshit.

The truth is you need carbs for:

• Energy to train hard

• Brain function (so you don’t turn into a miserable bastard)

• Actually enjoying your life

There’s zero requirement to eliminate any macronutrient.

Protein? Non-negotiable.

Fats and carbs? Split them however keeps you sane and performing.

Sin 4 - The Weekend Warrior

You know this bloke.

Hell, you might BE this bloke!

Monday to Friday: chicken, broccoli, and misery. Living like a monk.

Saturday and Sunday: eight pints, a kebab, and enough crisps to feed a battalion.

Then wondering why the scales haven’t moved.

Here’s what’s happening…

You’re overly restricting during the week (see Sin 1), which makes you absolutely ravenous at the weekend.

Then you compensate by hoovering up everything in sight.

The fix is simple: Eat enough Monday through Friday so you’re not treating Saturday like it’s your last meal on Earth.

If you had 300 more calories on Tuesday, you wouldn’t need to demolish that entire Domino’s on Saturday night.

See the difference?

Sin 5 - Ignoring Your Trigger Foods

Everyone’s got trigger foods!

The shit you simply cannot have in the house without demolishing the lot in one sitting.

For me? Licorice Flyers.

Those little bastards don’t stand a chance if they’re within arm’s reach.

“Moderation” is horseshit advice for trigger foods.

You can’t moderate something that triggers you

That’s literally what “trigger” means.

Two options:

1. Reduce - Buy single servings only, never bulk packs

2. Remove - Don’t have them in the house at all

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work when you KNOW they’re in the cupboard calling your name at 9 PM.

Stop messing about and remove the temptation.

Sin 6 - Drinking Your Calories

Back when I was stationed in Iraq, their dining facilities had rows of fridges stacked with massive bottles of Gatorade - 320 calories per bottle.

Blokes would drink three of these a day then wonder why they couldn’t shift weight.

The Problem is liquid calories don’t fill you up.

That 120-calorie coke could be an actual snack that keeps you satisfied for hours.

What to do:

• Ditch full-sugar soft drinks - there are zero-calorie options everywhere now

• If you’re drinking alcohol (no judgement), swap pints for bottles

• Better yet: gin and slimline tonic is about 80 calories versus a pint at 200+

Full-fat coke in is so 1993…

Allocate those calories to actual food.

Sin 7 - Not Prepping Your Food

Last year, first half: I was buying £3 meal deals every lunchtime from Tesco.

“Healthy enough,” I told myself.

Wasn’t filling, cost a fortune, and I was winging it daily.

Second half: Got my shit together.

Every Sunday:

• Supermarket trip

• Buy chicken, turkey, pork

• Make a massive chilli, curry, or slow cooker batch

• Portion into containers

Time investment: 2 hours on Sunday including shopping

Weekday prep: 5 minutes to reheat

Money saved: Hundreds of quid

Mental energy saved: Priceless

You’re not “too busy” - you’re disorganised. There’s a difference.

Look, fat loss isn’t complicated, but it’s not easy either.

The difference?

Complicated means confusing.

Not easy means it requires consistent effort.

Stop doing this:

• Crash dieting

• Guessing your calories

• Eliminating food groups

• Weekend binge-restrict cycles

• Keeping trigger foods around

• Drinking your calories

• Winging your meals

Start doing this:

• Eat in a moderate deficit you can sustain

• Know your actual numbers

• Eat carbs, for fuck’s sake

• Be consistent seven days a week

• Remove temptation completely

• Drink calories only when it’s worth it

• Prep your food on Sundays

Your body at 40, 50, or 60 isn’t broken - you’re just making the same mistakes everyone makes because some Instagram influencer promised you a shortcut.

There are no shortcuts.

Just honest work, done consistently, without the drama.

Now stop reading and go calculate your bloody TDEE.

See you next week.

Jay Alderton